Blaming You
by starbeamz
Summary: She thought that maybe it had been that moment when he hadn’t bothered sparing her a backward glance that she’d broken to pieces. After six years of dating and five years of marriage, he’d left her. RT with SS tossed in
1. Chapter 1

**Blaming You**

She tried not to think, not to feel because it was just too painful. Just getting up every day was a chore, but she'd remind herself that she had responsibilities, she had people who were depending on her. Getting out of bed staved off that gaping black hole that threatened to suck her right into its deep, dark depths.

She tried not to think, not to feel because if she thought or if she let herself feel, it would destroy her. The despair would rear up, wrap itself around her throat, and choke the very life out of her.

_Not that I have a life_, she thought as she hacked at a pair of bell peppers she would use for dinner. After all, he'd taken her life with him when he'd left her. She'd been left with an empty house and piles of manuscripts waiting to be translated.

After six years of dating and five years of marriage, he'd left her. Not that she could blame him. It wasn't everyday that the love of a man's life remembered who she was and who she loved after nearly thirteen years of suffering through comas and amnesia, along with the random blackouts.

She'd seen him struggle when she'd first woken up, just a year into their relationship. They'd broken up, she'd gone off to Paris, and he'd stayed by Marissa's side, helping her through adjusting to everyday life when she had no idea who anyone around her was.

The first time he'd come back to her, it had been at Julie's non-wedding to Bullitt. She'd walked out the back door of the Cohens' Berkeley home and found herself unable to tear her eyes away from his. He'd watched her with an intensity she'd never seen before, and shivers had shot up her spine. It was no wonder that, minutes later, they'd been tangled up, naked and sweaty, in the guest bedroom.

He'd told her that Marissa didn't remember him, that she didn't want him around, and he hadn't wanted to force himself on her. Taylor had nodded in the right places and, when he'd told her that he still loved her, she opened her arms and took him back.

It had never occurred to her that his reasons had had nothing to do with her and everything to do with Marissa.

For five years, they'd dated, but she'd always known that he was still secretly pining after Marissa. Or so she'd thought, until Chrismukkah of their twenty-fourth year, when she'd walked into the Cohens' home and found him kneeling on one knee, his expression a mixture of excitement and anxiety.

She'd said yes, leapt into his arms, and believed that they'd live happily ever after. She believed in true love, and he was hers. Forever.

Or until that fateful morning nearly eight months earlier when the phone had rung, and Julie Cooper had told Ryan that Marissa remembered everything right down to the part where she loved him and wanted to spend her life with him.

Taylor had watched Ryan struggle for two days before she'd cut him free. He'd been confused at first, curious as to why she was urging him to leave her and their marriage. And Ryan Atwood being Ryan Atwood, he wanted to stay with her, to keep their family together. Even if it meant sacrificing his own happiness.

But she'd known she couldn't let him do that; she couldn't keep him trapped in a cage, no matter how much pain it would cause her to set him free. But she'd done it. She'd opened the cage door, cut the ties, and let him fly.

He'd gone without a single glance back at her.

She thought that maybe it had been that moment when he hadn't bothered sparing her a backward glance that she'd broken to pieces.

The divorce papers had come a few months later, which was surprising because, in her bitterness and heartbreak, she'd expected them to come much sooner. They'd come, and she'd signed them and the last eleven years of her life away, into the past where she knew he'd already forgotten about them.

Try as she might, she couldn't forget about him. She ignored the pitying looks, the sympathy from his family and their friends. She wished she could talk to Summer, but Marissa had been Summer's best friend first, and Taylor hadn't wanted to jeopardize that relationship in any way. She'd told Summer to go be with her best friend, and, after much protesting—Summer had gotten pretty good at them after all of her years with GEORGE—even Summer had gone.

If there was one thing she'd learned in her life, it was that Taylor Townsend would always come second to Marissa Cooper. Once upon a time, it had been social chair and high school popularity. Now, it was the love of her life. And, as always, even he had chosen Marissa over her.

Even if she wanted to forget the last decade of her life, she couldn't. She kept their pictures up around the house that Ryan had built for them and given to her as part of the divorce settlement. Of course, _he_ hadn't been the one to inform her of his generosity. He apparently couldn't even be bothered to come see her, even in the presence of their lawyers during the settlement.

It had been just one more crack to add to her broken heart.

She wondered when her heart would finally shatter.

It was raining, and she was restless because the rain fit her mood and because the baby was especially active that day. Wandering from room to room, unable to focus on anything, she rubbed soothing circles on her belly, trying not to remember that she hadn't told anyone she was pregnant.

After the first few months of trying to reach out to her and being turned away, the Cohens had given up. She hadn't seen any of them in months. She knew they'd tell her she was being silly by not asking for help with the baby, but she didn't need their help or their pity. She was Taylor Townsend, and she'd been dealing with neglect her entire life. Just like everything else, she'd find a way to make a good life for herself and her baby.

Ryan would be a great father, she thought now before glaring at herself in a nearby mirror.

It was just her lot in life that he'd chosen someone else over her.

She wondered if the pain would ever recede, subside, quiet within her so that she could live her life again. Maybe moving to Paris, having a change of scenery would be a good idea.

Lifting the lid off the pot on the stove, she checked on the dish she was making. That was when she felt it. It was a _pop_. She hadn't heard it but felt it, and she knew it was time.

Ryan Atwood's son was on his way into the world.

XxX

"Look, she's always told us not to stop by and not to check up on her, so remind me why we're doing this again?" Seth Cohen asked his wife as she maneuvered her car through traffic.

Summer didn't even bother rolling her eyes as she honked at a car that was spewing toxic fumes from its tailpipe. "God, haven't these people heard of electric cars? That car alone is probably going to be responsible for an entire species of plants going extinct."

"It's probably some poor soul who's been living under a rock while you've been campaigning," Seth quipped. "Not to sound like a broken record, but why are we going to knock on Taylor Townsend's door again?"

"Because she's our friend. Or, at least, she was, and she's probably been alone for the last eight months and doesn't deserve it. We're friends, and friends check up on each other, Cohen."

"I'm not disagreeing with that, but might I remind you of how she snapped at us to leave her alone that time we went over after the divorce settlement went through? Yeah, I don't really want to see that snippy, Harbor version of Taylor again." Seth fiddled with his seatbelt as he spoke. He loved Taylor like another sister, but he could live without the rejection again.

Summer shrugged and turned left at the traffic light. "I know what she said, but I know, deep down, that she really does need us. Taylor's not exactly rational when it comes to dealing with emotional upheaval, you know?"

Yeah, Seth knew. They'd all witnessed her ups and downs, and, between the emotional terrorism her mother had waged and living with Ryan Atwood who was always going to be in love with Marissa Cooper, they'd seen Taylor through some pretty terrible times. Of course, she'd usually shared her turmoil with everyone, but, this time, she'd just shut everyone out. Seth reminded Summer of this.

"And that is exactly why we need to go see her because it is not safe for Taylor to keep her feelings bottled up inside of her. Remember that time she pretended to be Ryan's sleep therapist because she couldn't just outright tell him she liked him? Well, _that_ Taylor wouldn't have just let Ryan go without at least trying to get him back."

"Ah, the stalking."

"Yes," Summer replied firmly. "I would've been okay if she'd stalked him, but she hasn't. She's done nothing, and _that_ freaks me out because it's so _not_ Taylor."

When they arrived at the house that Taylor and Ryan had once shared, both Seth and Summer acknowledged that it looked lonelier and more depressing than before. Summer marched up to the front door, Seth trailing after her, and lifted a hand to ring the doorbell when the door flew open.

Taylor didn't even blink as she dragged a small suitcase behind her, while supporting her belly with the other hand.

Summer and Seth gaped at her in shock, but Summer recovered first. "Taylor, you're _pregnant_!"

"Thanks for the update, Summer. Not like I didn't know that already from the _excruciating pain I'm in_." She gritted her teeth, the suitcase slipping from her limp fingers, as another contraction struck her. They were closing in on seven minutes apart, and she really needed to get to the hospital now. She didn't want her son to be born on the front porch, no matter how good of a story it would make years from now.

She wanted drugs.

Seth closed his eyes, feeling faint. "Holy Jesus and Moses. I am not equipped to deal with this."

Summer slapped his shoulder before moving in to grab the suitcase and sliding her arm around Taylor's waist. "Okay, don't forget to breathe and lean on me. We'll get you to the hospital."

Taylor breathed through her teeth, trying to remember how the Lamaze instructor had shown her. "I don't even know why I'm doing this," she muttered to herself. "What could possibly have possessed me to do the ultimate act of insanity and deliver this baby through a ten centimeter opening that doesn't even sound natural and is sure as hell painful?"

Seth turned pale—well, paler than normal. "I'm going to vomit."

"Seth! Get the door, and do not vomit, or, so help me God, I will kick your ass." Summer took charge the way she always had and shot out orders for her husband.

But even before they reached the car, Taylor dug her feet into the pavement, which was rather unsuccessful but it did make Summer stop for a moment. "Look, Summer, it's nice to see you and all, but you really don't need to be here," she began slowly.

Summer cut her off with that Roberts glare. "Keep moving, Townsend. I have a lot of skills, but midwifery is not one of them. Open the door, Seth," she repeated and watched Seth leap into action. Taylor wisely chose to shut her mouth.

On the way to the hospital, in an effort to dispel the tension and keep Taylor from focusing on the pain, Seth kept up a babbling stream of consciousness which did nothing to diminish his own nerves. "So, hey, there was this anime about this awesome pregnant warrior," he said at one point, remembering that Taylor shared his passion for Asian film. "Have you heard of Yuki? She was pretty badass and defeated her enemies."

"That's nice, Seth." Taylor barely listened as she'd started to fret over another problem she was sure to encounter.

Now that Seth and Summer knew that she was having his baby, there was nothing keeping them from calling Ryan and letting him know. And, as happy as she would be to have Ryan back in her life, she didn't want to guilt trip him into coming back to her. If Ryan Atwood would ever return to her, she wanted it to be because he loved her more than anyone—except maybe his parents and their son. She wanted to be _first_ for someone for once in her life. Was that so much to ask for?

"Hey, do you want me to call Ryan?" Summer asked quietly enough so that Seth wouldn't hear. She hated to admit it, but her husband was still an awkward sixteen year old on the inside and not exactly mature when he needed to be.

Taylor's eyes widened at the question and the contraction that was leeching her energy at the moment. "No," she gasped out between breaths. "Definitely not."

"Look, Taylor. I know he left you, but he deserves to know that he's going to be a father. He'd be a great dad," Summer reasoned.

"I know," Taylor responded, blowing out shallow breaths. "I know he would be, but I don't want him here. He made his choice."

Summer didn't have a chance to reply as they pulled up in front of the emergency room doors at the hospital. She hopped out of the car, grabbed a nearby wheelchair, and helped Taylor into before rushing her into the ER.

"Hey!" Seth called after his wife. "What am I supposed to do?"

"Park the car, Cohen! Meet us inside!" Summer shot over her shoulder before disappearing into the hospital with Taylor.

Women. Seth shook his head. They were still a mystery to him even if he was married to one. And childbirth? It was one of his greatest fears, right up there with Newpsies.

Parking the car in the garage, he made his way into the hospital and pulled out his cell phone along the way. Dialing a number he used at least once a day, he waited until the line was picked up on the other end. "Hey, man. It's me. I have news for you…"

XxX

The line had been long dead, but he still sat clutching the phone to his ear. Dozens of thoughts whirled through his head, all pinpointing down to three words.

_Taylor. Baby. Now._

Without hesitation, he would be the first to admit that he'd treated his ex-wife horribly. When he'd left her, he'd known in the back of his head that he was making all of her worst fears and insecurities come to life. On their wedding day, he'd promised her that he'd never give her a reason to doubt his love for her or feel insecure for the rest of her life.

Then, he'd broken that vow and practically stabbed her with its shards.

He wondered if, given a second chance, he would go back and change the choices he'd made. He'd chosen Marissa over Taylor without a second thought because loving Marissa had always seemed as natural as breathing to him. The past few months with her had—with a few exceptions—proven that to him. He'd loved Marissa since the night he'd seen her standing at the bottom of her driveway, and he had never doubted that love. Not even when he'd fallen for Taylor.

Ryan Atwood would be the first to admit that what he felt for Taylor was not at all the same as what he felt for Marissa Cooper. After all, they'd had a shared past.

Now, the news he'd just received from Seth had changed everything.

Taylor was about to give birth in Berkeley, and he hadn't known she'd even been pregnant.

She was giving birth to his child, and he wondered if she'd told anyone about the pregnancy. Probably not.

The blame for that, he knew, rested with him. He'd convinced her to trust where she was always so nervous to trust others and herself—and then he'd blown that trust to pieces.

"Ryan?"

He glanced up to find Marissa approaching him, concern in her expression. Though the accident had caused her great neurological damage, she was still so much the way she'd been in high school, right down to her beauty. Sometimes, he'd watch her sleep and marvel at how lucky he'd been to have her in his life again.

She sat next to him, wrapping an arm around his waist and resting her chin on his shoulder. "You look like you've been thinking deep thoughts. What's going on?"

"I just got a call from Seth," he began.

"Really? How is he? How's Summer?" Marissa's face softened at the mention of her best friend and her husband.

Ryan shrugged. Seth and Summer Cohen were not his main concern, not even close. He suddenly had the overwhelming urge to jump in his car and speed his way up to Berkeley to be with Taylor. "They're fine," he said aloud. "They're actually at the hospital."

"What?" Marissa lifted her head to frown at him. "I thought you said they were fine. Is everything okay? Sandy? Kirsten? They're okay, right?"

"Yeah. Yeah, they're fine." He rubbed a hand over the back of his neck. "Actually, it's about Taylor." He felt Marissa tense up but continued on. "She's in the hospital."

Though she might have hated the idea of Ryan and Taylor together for so many years, Marissa seemed concerned enough about his ex-wife. "Is she okay?"

He couldn't sit anymore, so he stood and began to pace, trying not to think of how much pain Taylor was probably in. "She's having a baby. She's in labor." _She's alone._

"Okay," Marissa said slowly after a few moments. "Well, the baby can't be yours, right? I mean, she would've told you if she'd been pregnant with your baby, right?"

"Honestly? I don't know." He held up a hand when Marissa's face darkened. "Marissa, I just packed up my stuff and left her to be with you. Taylor's always had problems with people leaving her, so I'm not at all surprised that she didn't bother telling me. Doesn't make what I did to her any better."

Marissa leapt up and cupped his face in her hands. "Ryan, she is an adult, and she can take care of herself. That's probably why she didn't tell you. Don't blame yourself." When he opened his mouth to protest, she lifted a brow. "I know you. I was there the last time one of your girlfriends was pregnant, remember?"

He nodded. Theresa. He hadn't forgotten about her, but he hadn't been married to Theresa. He hadn't promised to love, honor, and cherish her 'til death do them part. He hadn't been in love with Theresa for nearly twelve years.

"Ryan, don't make any irrational decisions, okay?" Her voice hid a slight hint of desperation. "Taylor's obviously not alone because Seth and Summer are with her. She doesn't need you there to take care of her because she would've called you if she'd needed you."

No, Ryan thought as Marissa continued to list the reasons why he didn't need to go and see Taylor. No, she wouldn't have called him if she'd needed him. He'd made it perfectly clear to her that he'd wanted Marissa more than her. He hadn't quite forgotten that look of despair in her eyes when she'd cheerfully told him he should be with Marissa because it was his destiny. He'd never forget the haunting sound of her weeping he'd heard when his guilt had made him turn the car around and drive back to their home. He'd wanted to comfort her, but he hadn't known how to without driving up her hopes, so he'd left.

"I have to go," he interrupted Marissa. "I'm sorry, I have to go see her."

"Ryan, don't do this." Marissa's voice went from desperate to icy in an instant. "If you go now, you can't come back. I'm not kidding."

He stared at her. Really? Was she really going to do this now? He sighed and shook his head. "It's my child," he said simply before leaving the room.

When she heard the front door shut and the lock click into place, Marissa grabbed a vase and threw it at the wall, breathing heavily as she watched it shatter against the wall.

XxX

_So, this is my first attempt at writing OC fanfic, and I hope you'll let me know how I'm doing. I've had a blast reading a lot of the really great Ryan/Taylor stories on this site, and, since I miss them and their quirkiness like crazy, I decided I'd try my hand at writing a story about them. Thanks for reading, and I really hope you'll let me know what you think :)_


	2. Chapter 2

Taylor was done. Finished. She wasn't sure why she'd thought she could do this, but she couldn't. Eight hours into the labor process, she was ready to end it.

What had she been _thinking_? Really? Did she honestly think she could raise a child on her own with her life being the mess it currently was? She'd been terrible at dealing with emotional upheaval, and bringing a baby into that life full of crazy, messy emotions was not healthy.

She hated the way the doctor sat between her legs, urging her to push just a little bit more. She hated the way Summer and Seth hovered by her side. Seth clearly looked like he was going to faint, but, since he'd looked that way from the moment he'd been dragged into the room by his wife, she doubted he would pass out. Summer, on the other hand, was intense about the delivery.

Taylor wondered if she could just do a body swap with Summer and get her to push the baby out.

"I can't do this anymore," she said aloud between shallow, timed breathing. "I can't. I'm done. I can't raise a baby on my own, and I don't think I can push anymore."

"Taylor," Summer began gently. "I don't think you have a choice here. This baby needs to come out into the world, and you're the only one who can get him out. Don't quit on him now, Townsend."

Seth nodded in agreement as he focused on Taylor's face instead of whatever the doctor and nurses were doing. "Taylor Townsend a quitter? Really? Let's see how that sounds together. Taylor Townsend…quitter. Huh."

"You already used that line before, Seth. Too bad I listened to you then because, if I hadn't, I wouldn't be in this mess." Squeezing her eyes shut, she missed the glance exchanged between Summer and Seth. The pain was too much, Taylor thought. She'd been through pain before, but this was earth-shattering, mind-blowing agony.

Too bad the drugs had worn off hours and hours ago.

When the next contraction hit, she started to cry. The tears just slipped and slid down her face, and she barely noticed. All she knew was that she couldn't do this anymore. She felt like she was being ripped in two, she looked like a mess, and she hated the pitying expressions on Seth and Summer's faces.

"Ms. Townsend, I need you to push again. We're almost there, almost done," the doctor told her encouragingly. "I know it's hard, but you've done a great job so far."

She shook her head, clamping down on the desperate urge to scream…and then the pain intensified, and something inside her felt _odd_. Her worried eyes lifted from her belly to the doctor's face. "Something's wrong. Oh my god, something's wrong! My baby! Something's wrong with my baby!"

"Ms. Townsend," the doctor began, but she just rambled right over his words.

"Why are you just sitting there? Do something! I can't lose this baby. I don't care if I'm going to be a bad mother, but I _have_ to have this baby because it's my last link to Ryan Atwood, love of my life. I can't lose this baby or else I'll end up old and lonely and living with cats and I'll always think back on this moment when—_Oh my god, this hurts!_" She broke off and breathed in and out and in and out, not noticing the expressions on everyone's faces as they watched her warily. "I can't do this, please, don't let me lose my baby," she moaned brokenly.

"She needs to take a deep breath and push as hard as she can," the doctor informed Summer, who nodded and stepped up to take Taylor's clammy hand in hers.

"Taylor," Summer said gently. "Taylor, you can do this. We're all right here, and there's nothing wrong with the baby, except that he's ready to get out here in the world. So let's just take a big deep breath together, and then you have to push."

"Summer." Her voice was tiny and so un-Taylor-like that Summer blinked in surprise. When she opened her eyes, there was an utterly innocent and terrified look in them that made Summer want to cart her friend off somewhere safe and impenetrable. How had no one understood the depths of Taylor's despair? she wondered sadly and squeezed Taylor's hand.

"You can do this, Townsend. I believe in you, and so does Cohen." Summer shot a look over her shoulder at Seth, who nodded.

"Yeah, of course. Look, Taylor, that's my nephew you've got in there, and he's fighting to get free, and so I'm going to need you to just give it another try or two so we can meet him." He leaned down and pressed his lips to her cheek. "Let's do this, Taylor Townsend."

She watched them both for a moment, knowing that they were right. Though it did nothing to dispel her terror and her anxieties—and certainly not the pain—she knew they were right. And it did help, a little, knowing that they were there with her. "Okay."

They spent the next ten minutes breathing and pushing and pushing and breathing until she flopped back on the bed, sweaty and exhausted and crying. And hysterical. "No, no more. It's too much, it's too much…Oh, god. Oh, god, why me?"

"Her BP is dropping," one of the nurses reported.

"I'm going to die, aren't I?" she whispered to Summer, who tried her best to be strong. "This is the end, right? I'm going to die trying to give birth to Ryan's baby, and the poor baby's going to die, too, and Ryan will probably spit on my grave because of it—except that, oh wait! He doesn't even know I'm pregnant!" She struggled to draw in gasps of air, though it was becoming increasingly difficult. "I'm a horrible person," she gasped. "No wonder Ryan left me."

"Taylor."

Her eyes widened even as the hand holding Summer's went limp. "Oh my god."

Ryan strode into the room, already dressed in the sterile gown, and took her hand. "Taylor, it's okay. Everything's going to be fine." He resisted the urge to demand why she hadn't told him about the pregnancy, but he knew better. Accusations weren't what Taylor needed right now. She needed strength, and strength he had in spades.

"What are you doing here?" she snapped as the nurse watched her blood pressure normalize. "How did you know-" She caught the looks exchanged between Ryan and Seth and vowed that, should she live through this misery, she'd kill Seth Cohen.

"Ms. Townsend, your baby's crowning," the doctor interrupted. "Now, I know you're exhausted, but you've done really well and should be able to push your son out with just a tiny bit more effort. Are you ready?"

She clutched Ryan's hand so hard he was sure she'd broken something. "I don't really have a choice, do I?"

Within minutes, the room was full of the cries of a newborn, and Taylor eagerly held out her arms for him, her prior exhaustion completely forgotten in the thrill of finally seeing her son.

Ryan stood, silent, among the movement of the delivery room as two nurses bathed the baby, helped Taylor clean up, and announced that the infant had scored a perfect ten on the Apgar scale. He watched it all as though he were the outsider, as though that wasn't his son being passed from nurse to doctor before being laid in his mother's outstretched arms.

But it wasn't until Taylor held the baby, rocking him, cooing over him that he felt the explosion of warmth inside him. Suddenly, all he wanted was to bundle Taylor and the baby away somewhere, somewhere safe where they'd never be hurt and no one could touch them. His fingers itched with the need to touch the baby, to stroke a finger over his cheek, to bask in the tiny baby's perfection.

He wanted, quite desperately, to wrap Taylor in his arms and never let her go.

Her eyes shifted from the baby to him for an instant, and he held his breath, waiting for her reaction. Her eyes hardened, the soft expression on her face changing to one of fury before her eyes flicked away and back to the newborn in her arms.

"Come on, Ryan," Seth murmured quietly, sliding an arm around his shoulders. "We should go."

He shouldn't feel so hurt, he told himself as he let Seth guide him out of the room. He'd left her, and he had no right to feel this way. But as his eyes caught sight of Taylor and their son once more, he understood that the pain of leaving them was more than he'd ever experienced before.

XxX

"So what are you going to do now?" Summer peeked over Taylor's shoulder at the baby. Contrary to Taylor's beliefs about her parenting skills, Summer thought her friend had taken to being a mother the way Taylor did everything she put her mind to. With perfection.

Taylor brushed her lips over her son's forehead, breathing in the marvelous scent of baby and new beginnings. "Do about what? I'm going to be a terrific mother, Summer! What else is there to do, hmm?"

"You're not fooling me, Taylor. Ryan knows that baby is his son—speaking of which, when are we going to stop calling him Baby? Don't you want to name him?"

She shrugged, stroking a finger over the baby's dark, downy hair. She wondered if it would be the same shade as hers or lighten to blonde like his father's. Her son already had his father's beautiful blue eyes, and she wondered if he'd have any part of her. "I had a huge list of names, but, ever since I saw him, all those names just don't seem to fit, you know?"

"Hmm, no. I haven't given birth yet. There's still six months until that happy, happy time," Summer quipped.

It didn't take Taylor more than instant before she grinned and nearly squealed. "Oh my gosh, Summer! You're pregnant! That's wonderful!"

"Yeah, it is. As much as Cohen complained today, I just wanted to say thanks for letting us be there with you because it'll definitely make it easier for him when it's our turn," Summer explained with a smile. "He's such a baby, it'll be like raising two kids. I mean, he was pretty good with Pancakes, but a human baby and a grown rabbit are two different things. I worry that he won't be ready."

"Oh, I think Seth is going to be fine," Taylor replied confidently as she held her son just a bit closer, mesmerized at the way his little pink lips opened in a tiny yawn. "He's so perfect," she murmured dreamily.

"Who, Cohen? Yeah, I don't think perfect is the word I'd use, but he's mine." Summer stopped when realization struck. "Oh! You mean your son? Right. Of course, he's perfect. Really, Taylor. You did a great job."

There was a knock on the door an instant before it opened, and Ryan and Seth stepped in. "Sorry to interrupt," Seth began, "but I just wanted to steal Summer away. Ryan and I found the nursery, and you have to come see these babies. I bet our kid's going to be way more beautiful than those squished meatballs." He paused, shifting his eyes to Taylor in apology. "Not that your baby looks like a squished meatball. I mean, he's great, he's not even crying, and you know-"

"Okay, Cohen. Let's go." Summer hooked an arm through his and dragged him out, tossing an encouraging glance over her shoulder at Taylor.

Then, they were alone. Just the two of them. Just Taylor and Ryan. Just Taylor Townsend and Ryan Atwood. Like there wasn't a giant, neon elephant in the room named Marissa, she thought. Like there wasn't the fact that she was holding their newborn son, the son he hadn't even known existed until today, not that—

"Taylor, take a breath. Let it out."

His voice made her blink before she did just that. Then, she glared at him. "What do you want, Ryan?"

"Uh, Taylor…I just…I," he felt at a loss for words. Were there any to describe what he was feeling right at that moment? Then, she shifted the baby in a protective move, and his heart broke. "This is _wrong_."

Her brows rose. "Well, Ryan Atwood, on that point we are in perfect agreement. This is very wrong. You shouldn't even be here."

"No, Taylor, that's not what's wrong. This," he gestured between them, "this distance is wrong. I don't know what happened, but this should never have happened."

"Uh-huh. Okay, great. Thanks for that insightful analysis, Ryan." She blew her bangs out of her eyes and swayed her arms gently. "You can go now."

Taking a chance, he moved closer to the bed and noted that her eyes now held a mixture of annoyance and wariness. "Taylor, we have to talk."

"Oh, really? Since when, Ryan? Since when do Atwoods talk, huh? I spent eleven years trying to get you to talk, and all I got for my troubles were manly grunts. So excuse me if I don't fall all over myself to talk to you." She shifted her attention back to the baby when he started whimpering. "There, there, my love. Everything's going to be fine as soon as _he_ leaves. At least, I know you didn't inherit his genes of non-communication."

"Taylor, this is ridiculous. You're being ridiculous."

Her eyes seared into him. "Right. Of course. I'm the ridiculous one. Poor Taylor whose mother was an emotional tyrant, who fell in love with the first French man to tell her he loved her and which resulted in a graphically explicit romance novel about her which pissed off her next boyfriend, who she fell in love with, which was bad because he didn't know how to voice his feelings and didn't know how to fall out of love with his comatose, amnesia-ridden ex, and, who, ultimately, left her for the drama and angst-prone ex. Poor Taylor is the ridiculous one." Her voice rose, making the baby cry again, and she glared at Ryan before rocking her son and murmuring to him soothingly. "You're upsetting my son, Ryan. Please leave."

"_Our _son," Ryan finally exploded. "He's our son, Taylor, no matter how badly you wish it wasn't true! I don't even know why you're mad at _me_. I wasn't the one who ended our marriage; that was all you. Don't you remember? I mean, it wasn't really that long ago."

"Stop it, Ryan."

"Oh, no. You started this, and I'm going to end it." His blue eyes, the perfect shade she'd always loved, were dark and glinting dangerously. "I'm done with taking the blame for us going our separate ways. I'm tired of not being able to hold the child I helped create. Eight months ago, we were happy, and we had everything, Taylor. We had family, and, more importantly, we had each other. I loved you. God, I was so in love with you."

There were tears in her eyes, but she didn't want him to see her cry again, so she kept her eyes trained on the infant in her arms. " 'Was' being the operative term, Ryan. You _were_ in love with me, and now you're not. Now you're with Marissa, the way you were always meant to be, so you should be happy. End of story."

His hands fisted, so he shoved them in his pockets. "Taylor, will you just calm down and listen to me?" When she didn't say anything, he sighed. "Look, I know that things were bad for you with your mom. I know that, I understand that, I _get_ it. I spent eleven years trying not to hold it against you that you didn't get that I understood it. What I didn't understand eight months ago was why you told me to go back to Marissa. I mean, sure, I was glad that she'd remembered everything, but I was trying to come up with the best way to tell her that I'd moved on, that I _was_ married to the love of my life. And then, you came home from work, and you told me that you'd been thinking about it, and you wanted a divorce because we didn't belong together!" His voice was rising, and she just watched him with wide eyes because this was the most she'd ever heard Ryan speak at one time and because she couldn't believe what he was saying. "Do you know what you did to me, what those words did to me?"

"Don't turn this on me, Ryan," she started but was cut off.

"I'm trying not to, Taylor, but I think we have to be honest with each other. I will always have feelings for Marissa because she was my first love, because we shared a past…But you? God, Taylor, I knew from the moment I first told you I loved you that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you."

Those big hazel eyes of hers were glossy with tears. "You did? But you—I mean, Marissa woke up, and you went back to her?"

"Because," he huffed out a breath, his fingers beginning to itch to touch her. "Because it was my fault—or I _thought_—it was my fault that she'd been in a coma. If I had just pulled over…"

She wasn't sure which one of them was more surprised when she reached out and placed her hand on his arm and squeezed it comfortingly. "Um, Ryan…I think you already know that none of it was your fault; it was Volchok's."

He nodded, feeling some of the tight knots in his stomach starting to loosen as she became calmer. "I know that now, but I didn't then. Taylor." He waited until their eyes met. "I never stopped loving you in all that time we were apart while you were in France. I couldn't. I've never been good with feelings and words, but I need you to know that. I've loved you for more than a third of my life, you're a part of me."

"I lied," she whispered after several moments of silence. "I lied to you when I told you that I wanted a divorce. I lied when I told you that we didn't belong together. It felt like I was cutting out my heart with a rusty spoon when I said those words, but I really thought it was what you'd wanted because you'd been all brooding after Julie's phone call. I thought you were trying to find the best way to break it off with me. And then you went, so I thought it really had been what you wanted."

"Taylor, I love Marissa, I do. She's beautiful, smart, exciting, and…temporary." Ryan waited until she met his eyes before spilling the truth with the only words he had, words he didn't think were adequate enough but needed to be said. "The way I love you is _forever_. You broke my heart when you told me to go, and you know I don't deal well with things like…well, things like that." Ryan reached out and tucked a piece of her hair behind her ear, his eyes flicking down to rest on their son. "I went because I thought it was what you wanted. I didn't want to become a burden for you if you didn't want me around."

She let out a watery laugh. "Not want you around? God, we really must have been nuts for you to forget that I wanted you around so badly that I stalked you, even after we were married." Taking a deep breath to fortify herself, she knew she'd have to tell him the truth. She'd kept it from him for eleven years, but she knew that he deserved to know it, especially since he'd been honest with her. "I did crazy, irrational things to make you happy, to make sure you were happy with me because I never wanted you to wake up one morning and regret that you'd married me instead of waiting for Marissa to remember. I guess—I guess I sent you away first so that I wouldn't be hurt." Gripping his fingers in hers, she felt a wave of relief swamp her when he twined his fingers with hers. "I ended up hurting both of us, huh?"

Instead of an answer, he wrapped an arm around her shoulders and drew her against him, his other arm around their son. He could feel her struggling with herself, with her emotions—she'd always felt so much more than he'd thought was normal and healthy for a person—before she broke down. Her head fit perfectly into the crook of his neck, and he pressed a kiss to the top of her head as silent sobs shook her and tears dampened his shirt.

XxX

It was a long time later, when a nurse entered the room to take their son back to the nursery, that Ryan and Taylor finally moved. They hadn't spoken a word to each other for hours, but neither one felt angry. Just drained.

Taylor tried not to think about the future, about what their conversation had meant for what was to come. Was he breaking up with Marissa? Were they going to get married again? _What now?_

"Well, Ms. Townsend, have you decided on a name yet?" The nurse cheerfully asked, breaking through Taylor's thoughts, as she deftly checked Taylor's pulse, lungs, and blood pressure. "He's awfully handsome, isn't he? You must be very proud."

Color tinted her cheeks. "They are both certainly handsome, and I am definitely proud." When Ryan pressed his lips to her temple, she was sure she was glowing.

"So, no name yet?"

Taylor studied her son carefully, trying to look for hints as to who he might be. "Well, he's certainly no Francois, Pierre, or Dorian." She heard Ryan muffle a choking sound and turn it into a cough. There was a tiny smile on her lips when she chose. "Jason Cohen Atwood. Jason means healer, and I think his arrival certainly did that," she glanced at Ryan for a second, "and Cohen for Sandy, Kirsten, Summer, Seth, and Sophie because, really? Where would we be without them?" She dabbed a finger at the corner of her eye before looking up at the smiling nurse. "How's that?"

"Lovely, dear. I'll take care of that paperwork, but, in the meantime, little Jason needs to head off to the nursery."

Ryan tensed next to her, and Taylor put on her brightest, most persuasive smile, which she was sure would've been more effective had she not just given birth mere hours ago and subsequently had the most draining emotional conversation of her life. Alas, she thought. When life gives you lemons… "Actually, is there a way we can keep him just a bit longer?" she wondered sweetly. "His father just arrived a little while ago from Newport and would really like to spend a little more time with him. Another hour would be great. I mean, they say babies bond with their parents within the first few hours, and I wouldn't want Jason growing up without having a bond with his father because, really, that would just be tragic and he'd probably end up as a delinquent and-"

"Just an hour," Ryan assured the nurse, whose smile had begun to slip at the torrential downpour of words from Taylor's lips. It was good to know that he hadn't completely ruined her, he thought as the nurse left the room. "Okay, pass him over. Can't have him becoming a mini-me, right?"

Taylor looked instantly horrified. "Oh, no, Ryan. I didn't mean it that way at all! I wasn't thinking about when you were little when I-"

Ryan did the only natural thing. He kissed her before easily slipping Jason into his arms and leaving her stunned.

And then he was mesmerized, caught up in the beauty that was his son. _Jason_, he thought. "Hi, Jason. Hi," he whispered, careful not to squeeze Jason too hard. What if he broke him? How breakable were babies, anyway? he wondered vaguely.

Then, Jason puckered his lips before yawning, making a tiny mewling noise that sounded like satisfaction. Ryan was absolutely in love with his son.

"Ryan, breathe."

"Huh?" He looked up at Taylor's beaming face. "What?"

She brushed his hair off his forehead affectionately. "You were holding your breath like you were afraid breathing would break Jason. He's not going to break. He's an Atwood. Atwoods are tough."

"So are Townsends. Well, at least my Townsend is," he added when Taylor quirked a brow at him, reminding him of her bitch of a mother and deadbeat father.

They grinned at each other, their son between them, when the door opened again. "Ryan?"

His eyes widened before his head turned towards their visitor. "Marissa?"

XxX

_Oh, man. You all have so completely blown me away with how welcoming the Townwood fans are! I love it, and I loved all of your reviews. They made me so happy and pumped that I wrote this chapter buzzed off of that inspiration, so thank YOU. I'm not a fan of the beginning of the chapter, but I think it came out pretty okay. I hope this resolved everyone's questions about why Ryan would leave Taylor...and I hope the reasoning was something Ryan would do. Ah, okay. Now I'm rambling. So I'll stop and just say thanks so much for reading!_


	3. Chapter 3

"No."

Ryan and Marissa blinked, breaking the stunned moment of eye contact, before turning to look at Taylor. Her face was blank, betraying nothing of the turmoil she was feeling.

"Taylor," Ryan began, but she cut him off.

"You know, I'm not sure what's worse. Actually believing everything you just said only to find out that _she_ is here, too, or finding out that you actually brought her with you." Taylor waved a hand to cut him off when he opened his mouth to protest. "No, you know, I just don't want to hear it."

"Look, Taylor, it's-"

"Ryan. Are you about to tell me that it's not what I think?" Her voice was oddly calm, and that made Ryan nervous.

He'd forgotten that she so often knew exactly what he would say before he'd even said it. He swallowed thickly before nodding. "Uh, yeah."

"Okay." Before he could react, Taylor leaned forward, slipped her son out of Ryan's arms and into her own. "I think both of you need to leave. Now, please. I just gave birth, and my baby and I are quite exhausted, so visitors are really unnecessary. Okay? Thanks."

"Wow, I guess some things never do change," Marissa said with a smirk. "You're still the bitch you always were in high school."

"Hey!" Ryan was off the bed in a flash. "Marissa, how-"

Taylor's voice stopped him. "I'd really like you to leave now." She sounded odd, and, when Ryan saw her expression, he nearly went to her, but she shook her head. "Ryan, if you care for me at all in any way, even if it's just as the mother of your son, you'll leave. Now."

"Taylor, don't do this." His heart sank to his knees, and he desperately wanted to gather her back into his arms, but the look on her face…He'd never wanted to hurt her again, but he had.

Her face carefully blank, she tilted her head slightly and gave him a wide-eyed innocent look. "Do what? I'm actually really exhausted. You know, childbirth takes a lot out of you, Ryan. Especially when you toss emotional trauma on top of it, so, if you don't mind, I'm going to take a well-deserved nap." So saying, she leaned back into the pillows behind her, snuggled Jason close, and shut her eyes.

"Taylor…" Ryan's voice was soft, and she thought he almost sounded like he was worried. She refused to open her eyes, refused to take him back because this, bringing Marissa here, was the worst thing he could've done. After all he'd said to her, it was obvious everything had been a lie. She was a mother now, and she couldn't keep falling back into a bad cycle of emotional abuse. Not again.

It wasn't exactly modeling good behavior for her newborn son.

"Taylor, I-"

"Ryan, she's sleeping, and she obviously doesn't care," Marissa snapped. "Let's just go. I really want to talk to you."

The door squeaked as it opened and, just as Taylor was about to sigh in relief, Ryan's voice clearly said, "This isn't over, Taylor."

Taylor opened her eyes when the door shut behind him and sighed. "No, Ryan. I think it really is."

XXX

Ryan and Marissa walked down the hallway in silence, neither one looking at the other. Ryan was tense from a mixture of worry and fury. Even when he'd walked away from Taylor months ago, he hadn't seen that resigned…_finished_ look on her face, and he was terrified that, this time, he'd really lost her. For good.

As for Marissa….

He couldn't believe she was doing this again. _She_ had told him that he wasn't welcome in her life anymore, but then she'd followed him to Berkeley and gone so far as to walk into Taylor's hospital room? He cared about her, he'd always love her, but she had always been a constant source of frustration for him, too.

Ryan knew that he was caught in a battle between the past and the future, and he'd have to make a decision soon. It wasn't fair to either woman to be in this situation.

Marissa stopped outside a small waiting room and turned to face Ryan expectantly. "Ryan, I-"

"What are you doing here, Marissa?" he interrupted her. "You told me not to come back, so why are you here now?"

Her big blue eyes glistened with tears at the tone of his voice. "Ryan, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry I said that, and I really don't want to lose you! I didn't mean to say it. I was just scared because I'm afraid that I'll lose you. An hour after you left, I realized that I was wrong, and I came up here to apologize and hope that you'd forgive me."

Ryan pinched the bridge of his nose and took a deep breath. "Look, I love you, I care about you, but this is my _son_, Marissa. He was just born, and he needs a father. I'm going to be there for him."

"I know, I know. I get it, Ryan," she insisted. "I don't want to come between you and your son; I just want to know that you're not angry with me."

"Marissa, I don't want to hurt you," he began then winced when he saw tears spill down her cheeks.

"But you're going to go back to Taylor, right? She's the mother of your son, and you're going to go back and play happy family with her." Marissa swiped at the tears and shook her head. "Ryan, you don't love her! If you do this, you'll be miserable for the rest of your life."

He sighed and took her hand. "I never said that I didn't love Taylor. I was with her for a long time, and I married her. She and I, we have a family. There's nothing that is going to change that."

"You left her, Ryan!" Marissa's voice rose, and, down the hall, a nurse turned to look at them curiously. "You left her and came to me because you love _me_, not Taylor. You chose me, and, now, you're just going to change that because she had a baby?"

"I know what I did, but there's been a lot of miscommunication, too." Ryan ran a hand through his hair, trying not to show his growing frustration. How much time was he going to waste doing this with Marissa when he should be with Taylor, convincing her that _she_ was what he wanted? "There was a lot more going on with us when we got a divorce."

Marissa nearly stomped her foot in anger. "Ryan! I know you. I know you wouldn't have done anything if you hadn't really thought it through. Obviously, there was something missing if you left Taylor when you supposedly loved her. Ryan," she pressed a kiss to his knuckles. "You and me? We're soulmates, we've always known that."

"I know that's what we thought when we were younger, but I don't think so anymore."

Her eyes instantly hardened. "You're telling me that _Taylor Townsend_ is your soulmate?"

He shrugged. "I don't know if I believe in soulmates, Marissa."

"So then maybe you're wrong. Did you ever think about that? Maybe you're wrong to think that we don't belong together."

"Marissa, I'm sorry." He shook his head sadly. "I'm really sorry that I hurt you, that you're angry. It's just that I have a family, one that I intend to put first. Always. Taylor and Jason are my priority now."

Marissa looked down at the floor, swallowing back tears as she nodded sadly. She should've known it wouldn't be easy for Ryan to forgive her, but…She looked up at him again, tears shimmering in her eyes. "Ryan, what if I told you that I'm pregnant?"

His eyes widened, but, before he could respond, there was a clattering sound, a startled "Oof!", and, beyond Marissa's shoulder, he saw a toppled basket of medical supplies and a flash of auburn hair disappearing around the corner.

"Hold that thought," he told Marissa and peered around the corner, finding Taylor looking flustered as she straightened her hospital robe, clutched her IV pole, and glanced up at him with a feigned look of surprise on her face.

"Ryan! What a coincidence! What are you doing here?"

He didn't bother suppressing the sigh. "I could ask you the same thing. What are _you_ doing here?"

"Oh, you know, just taking a walk," she replied cheerily. "Well, it was lovely running into you, but I must be off. _Au revoir_!"

"Taylor. I thought you were sleeping."

"Uh-huh." Her head nodded enthusiastically. "I was, but you know me. Sleeping too much is so not my style. It's really unproductive. I just thought I'd take a walk to stretch my sore muscles, you know?"

This time, the smile that threatened to break out on his lips did. "Taylor, were you stalking me?"

Her eyes widened dramatically. "Why, I never-"

"Oh, my god. You freak. What is _wrong_ with you? Can't you keep your nose out of what is none of your business?" Marissa demanded as she came to a stop next to Ryan. "What a stalker."

Ryan frowned, turning to her. "Look, Marissa. Why don't you just go back to that waiting room while I get Taylor back to her room, okay? I'll be right-"

"Ryan!"

He spun around to find Taylor hunched over, her hands pressed to her abdomen. "Taylor. What's wrong?"

"Ryan," she whispered, her eyes wide with fear. "Something's wrong."

She didn't have to say another word because Ryan could see the crimson spreading quickly through her hospital gown, dripping through her fingers. "Hold on, Taylor," he told her calmly, though his insides were quaking even as he slid an arm around her waist.

Instead of a response, Taylor's eyes rolled back into her head as her body fell limp in his arms. Panicked, Ryan held her close, his eyes wildly searching the hospital hallway. "Help!" he shouted. "We need some help here!"

XXX

The sunlight flickering over her eyelids woke her. She opened her eyes and found herself staring at an unfamiliar ceiling. Where was she? she wondered dimly as she tried to lift her head to glimpse her surroundings. When her hand shifted over her belly, she sat bolt upright in bed.

"My baby!"

Summer, who'd been sitting in the chair next to the bed, hurried to her side. "Taylor, hey. It's okay, calm down."

"Summer, where is he? What'd they do with my baby? They stole him from me!" Taylor continued to panic as she struggled to rip off all the tubes and wires attached to her.

Summer may have been small, but she was mighty. She managed to shove Taylor back into the bed without disrupting too many of the monitors. Then, determined to keep Taylor in bed, she sat on her friend's legs. "Jeez, Taylor. What were you dreaming about? Everything's fine. You had your baby, and Jason's sleeping peacefully in the nursery. In fact, Sandy, Kirsten, and Sophie are watching over him."

"Jason? I named him Jason?" Taylor frowned, confused. What was going on? This was all very invasion of the body-snatchers for her. "Hey, I thought I wasn't talking to you. What are you doing here?"

Summer's brows scrunched as she studied her friend. "Taylor, do you really not remember anything about labor, delivery, Ryan coming up from Newport, the two of you talking…Nothing?"

"I…" She pressed a hand to her whirling head and tried to think. "I don't know."

"Okay." Summer crossed her arms over her chest and looked unhappy. "This is one side effect I don't think the doctors were expecting. What's the last thing you remember?"

Chewing on her lip, Taylor thought hard, gave herself the beginnings of a headache, but was glad when some things started to drift back to her. "I remember talking to Ryan, but then Marissa came. And…oh, she said she was pregnant."

"She said what?" Summer's hand clamped around Taylor's wrist. "Marissa said _what_?"

"Yeah, yeah. I remember." Taylor shook her head. "If she's pregnant, then I really will lose him. She's the love of his life, no matter what he says."

"Taylor…" Summer sighed. "Is that the last thing you remember?"

Taylor tapped her fingers on her leg. "Um, not really. Just this massive pain, and then…here I am!" She frowned again. "Wait, what happened to me? How long have I been out?"

"Well, you've been out for about twelve hours. The first few, you were in surgery because you were hemorrhaging. The doctors said something about how it wouldn't have happened if you'd just stayed in bed and rested like you were supposed to. How about that, huh?" Summer gave her a look.

"Hah. Yeah, funny. Hmm." She patted her hair which didn't feel quite as tangled as she'd thought it would be. "I must look like a mess. I probably smell, too. Does that bathroom have a shower?"

"I'm not letting you out of this bed, Townsend." Summer lifted a brow when Taylor opened her mouth to protest. When she shut it again, Summer nodded. "That's what I thought. I'm going to call the nurses, they'll check you out, and then I'm sure one of them will bring Jason back to you. Thanks to your little trip into the OR, you're going to be stuck in the hospital for a day or two longer than usual. Get used to your surroundings, sister."

Huffing out a breath, Taylor leaned back against her pillows. "I want my son."

Summer pressed the button to alert the nurses' station. "Like I said, I'm sure someone will bring him to you. He's adorable, Taylor. He's got Ryan's eyes, and your nose-"

"Really?" She ran her fingers over her nose. "You think so? Can you even _tell_ that sort of thing this early on?"

"I'm sure you can." Summer perched on the edge of the bed, her mind shifting back to what Taylor had said about Marissa. "So, Marissa said she was pregnant?"

Taylor shrugged, not wanting to think about Marissa Cooper carrying Ryan's child. "I don't know. She basically said that it was only because of Jason that Ryan would ever consider being with me again—which is so true," she added sadly but didn't let herself dwell on it. "And then she asked him what he'd do if she were pregnant."

"Huh. That sneaky bitch!"

Taylor gaped at her. "Summer?"

"Oh, no. Wait until I get my hands on her. God, it wasn't bad enough that she broke Ryan's heart, like, a million times while were in high school, but, now that he's on his way to having the perfect life with you and Jason, she's trying to ruin it!" Summer paced the room angrily. "See, this is why we drifted apart during senior year! I love Ryan, and I didn't want to see her hurt him again! Who knows? This time around, I bet in a couple months, she probably would have moved on to the next guy to catch her eye. Good thing we found out you were having a baby. There is nothing more important to Ryan than family."

Taylor sunk lower on the bed. "Yeah, good thing," she whispered dejectedly. She didn't want Ryan to be with her and Jason if he wasn't in love with her. "Summer, where is he right now?"

"Oh." Summer waved her hand distractedly, not having come off of a near rage blackout yet. "He took Marissa to the Cohens' place last night. I think they were going to have a nice long chat. I hope he's sending her packing. I love Coop and always will, but she is such a mess."

A mess, Taylor thought, but one that Ryan obviously wanted in his life. He couldn't even be bothered to stay with her while she was in surgery. He'd been with Marissa.

_I knew from the moment I first told you I loved you that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you._

His words from the day before flitted through her head, but she sighed and shoved them aside, trying to forget. This time, she was not going to let herself hope beyond all hope because it would certainly destroy her. She was a mother now, and Jason was going to be her number one priority.

Ryan Atwood and his emotional issues could go hang for all she cared.

It was just a shame that she was unable to think those thoughts with more conviction.

XXX

Within the hour, the room was full with Cohens as Sandy, Kirsten, Seth, Summer, and Sophie crowded around the bed where Taylor was sitting up and beaming with pride over Jason.

"You'll let me babysit him, right, Aunt Taylor?" Sophie asked eagerly as Jason gripped her finger in his tiny, delicate fist. "I mean, I'm practically a teenager, and Mom and Dad think I'm very responsible. Plus, he's my very first nephew, and I'm going to love him so much! I'll be the best babysitter ever!"

Seth pressed a hand to his heart. "Sophie. My own sister betraying me? I never thought I'd see the day. I'm sure my unborn child is crying because his or her own Aunt Sophie doesn't want to be the best babysitter for him, too." Summer nudged him. "Or her," he added apologetically.

"Don't be silly, Seth," Sophie told him. "There are still six whole months until your baby arrives, so, until then, I can be a good babysitter for Jason."

Taylor smiled at her. "You're such a sweetie, Sophie, but I'm probably not going to let him out of my sight for the next fifty years. You'll have plenty of time to babysit Seth and Summer's baby."

Kirsten rested a hand on her daughter's shoulder and smiled at Taylor. "I know exactly how you feel. Trust me, though, when I say that you're going to want to take her up on her offer to babysit within the first month."

"Oh, no, I don't think I will." Taylor held Jason closer, not wanting to let him out of her sight _ever_. Then, she squealed when he opened his eyes and deep blue stared up at her. His mouth opened in a little "O" as he watched his mother for long moments before his eyes drifted shut again, his lips curving ever so slightly. "He smiled at me! Did you see that? He knows me, he loves me!"

"Well," Sandy began, "I don't think he's the only one."

Taylor glanced up curiously and froze when she saw that Ryan was standing next to Sandy. When had he come in and why was he here? She was surprised that he wasn't busy making plans for the baby he was having with Marissa.

She opened her mouth, but he beat her to it. "Hey. It's good to see you awake. Really good," he added quietly. She hadn't often seen him look nervous, but Ryan Atwood was nervous now. Did he really think she was going to hop out of bed and karate kick his ass back to Y2K? Really. She'd had major surgery and given birth the day before. Kicking anyone's ass, no matter how desirable, would not be happening today.

"Yes, well, I've learned my lesson. I will not be moving from this bed unless a medical professional lets me," she told him finally then shifted her eyes as the Cohens tried to stealthily sneak out the door. "Hey, where are you all going? I don't remember asking for privacy."

"Uh, well, Taylor." Seth shoved his hands in his pockets. "You know, I…am going to let Dad take this one." He nodded encouragingly at Sandy, who glowered at his son.

"Okay, then. Taylor, we were just going to, well, you know." Taylor looked at him expectantly, and Sandy managed to smile at her, albeit a bit uncomfortably. "Well, were just on our way to…uh…Honey? A little help here?"

Kirsten shook her head. "Oh, no. I am not getting trapped in this story-telling."

"Oh, my god. Where were you Cohens before Atwood and I arrived on the scene?" Summer wondered, tossing her hands up in the air and making Sophie grin. "Jeez. Taylor, you and Atwood need to talk, so we're going to leave you alone to, well, _talk_." She glared at Ryan. "Don't screw this one up, Ryan."

"Thanks, Roberts."

"Hey! No! I don't need to talk to Ryan," Taylor insisted, waving one arm frantically. "Anything I had to say to him I've already said. There is nothing left to say," she added, looking at Ryan.

His face seemed to pale, and he stepped closer. "Taylor, I-"

"If you're about to apologize, you can shove that apology where the sun don't shine, buddy. I am so done with you, so I hope you enjoy your life with Marissa and your perfect, bouncing baby." There was a sudden burst of murmurs from the doorway, but she ignored them.

Ryan cupped her face in his hands and held it despite her struggles. "Taylor, I'm not going back to Marissa. In fact, she's already gone back to Newport. I'm not going back there, and there is no baby," he added, anticipating her next question.

"Right, well that's just great for you. I hope you'll enjoy being alone. Really, it's a great life," she told him. "I mean, in eight months of being alone, I've never felt more free. It's a great feeling, independence. I hope you and yourself enjoy it. Now, go away."

"Taylor, I'm not leaving you."

She gave up trying to rip his iron-grip fingers off her chin and scowled at him. "Why not? You didn't seem to have trouble doing that eight months ago, and you definitely didn't have a problem doing that yesterday when I went into the OR. Yeah, I can definitely see how you claim to love me, Atwood." She rolled her eyes. "Thanks, but no thanks."

"That's not true," he began, but she shook her head.

"I know what I know," she said simply. "Just…go away. Please." _Before I burst into a puddle of tears and beg you to stay and end up in the worst possible scenario imaginable to me: a loveless marriage._

"Taylor, he's not lying."

She blinked the tears out of her eyes and looked up at Seth, who was standing by her bed again. The rest of the Cohen clan remained in the doorway, anxiously watching. "Seth, he's your brother. Of course, you're going to stick up for him. But, honestly? I've had a lifetime's worth of emotional trauma in the last twenty-four hours. I'm tired, and I really don't want to do this again."

Ryan could feel her slipping away from him like water through his fingers. He didn't know what to say, and he didn't want to see that weary, broken expression on her face anymore. Since he was the cause, he would do what was best for her and let her go…for now.

"It's okay, Seth," he said quietly, placing a hand on his brother's shoulder. "I'm sorry, Taylor. I really am. If it's what you really want, I'll go." His eyes flitted over their newborn, sleeping in her arms, and felt his heart crack. Was this how she'd felt for the past two-thirds of a year? "Just say the word," he whispered.

"Atwood-" But he cut off Summer's protest with a firm shake of his head.

Taylor looked down at the peacefully sleeping bundle in her arms and nodded silently. "Please," she whispered.

There was a stifled collective gasp from the doorway before Ryan nodded, feeling his heart shatter. "Right. Okay, then," he managed to say as jagged bits of his broken heart stabbed his throat. He deserved this, he reminded himself. He'd done this to her, so he deserved it.

Even as he made for the door, Summer blocked his way. "No. You are not leaving this room, Ryan," she told him firmly, her expression daring him to disobey her. When she was satisfied that he wasn't about to make a break for it, she moved around him and marched to the bed. "Look, Townsend, I love you like a sister, but I will have no trouble verbally beating you black and blue if you don't shut up and listen up." She leaned in close to Taylor's shocked face. "Ryan did not desert you yesterday. I don't know what happened all those months ago, but he didn't want to leave you yesterday. They had to get security into the OR to drag him out because his presence was making the room unsterile. Even when they kicked him out, he kept pacing the hall right outside the OR and followed your gurney to the recovery room. I don't think Seth would ever do that for me." She ignored her husband's yelp of protest and continued on. "If you don't, for one instant, think that he loves you more than anything—except maybe that adorable baby in your arms—then _you_ are a moron." Summer straightened and gave a short nod. "Right then. We'll leave you to it."

There was a stunned silence that followed the Cohens' departure, and the sound of the door clicking shut was deafening in the quiet. Long moments passed, and Ryan's nerves began to stretch to the breaking point.

Finally, when he couldn't take it anymore, she beat him to it. Again.

"Ryan?" Her voice was timid, not a usual Taylor Townsend occurrence.

"Yeah," he breathed.

Her eyes lifted to meet his, and he could see the tears glistening in them. The sight twisted his insides until she spoke. "Can you, um, can you just hold onto me? Please?"

His breath puffed out in a near-violently relieved expulsion. "Anything."

And then, he was holding her and Jason in his arms, determined never to let go, not ever. Taylor pressed her face against his neck and sighed happily when Ryan pressed a kiss to her hair. There was nothing better than feeling your world shift back into place, he thought. He'd been wrong, she'd been wrong…but here and now? They were finally doing things right.

"Taylor, I don't want you to think that I'm only doing this because of Jason," he murmured as she burrowed into him, their son held safely between them.

Taylor leaned back to look into his eyes and smiled. "I know, and I don't. I really don't think that. I was afraid that you might feel that way, but…I love you, Ryan. I really, really love you."

"I love you, too," he said softly and pressed his lips to hers, swallowing her moan of pleasure and relief. It felt good to be back in sync, he decided.

"So." Taylor leaned her forehead against his. "Does this mean we're going to do the whole wedding thing again? Or is it too soon to think about that? It is, isn't it?" she asked, the smile slipping from her face when he stared at her. "Okay, okay. Forget I said anything. Just, rewind and delete. We don't need to be married. Lots of couples raise families without getting married, and we can do it, too."

He shut off her babbling with another kiss. "Marry me," he whispered when she was breathless.

"Really?"

Ryan grinned. She was adorable. How had he ever lived without her? "How does 'as soon as possible' sound?"

"Beyond perfect," she told him joyfully and kissed him again before settling comfortably into his arms. "So I was thinking, now that we have Jason, don't you think he'd be the perfect little ringbearer? I mean, he's a newborn, but we could probably tie our rings on a ribbon and pin it to his outfit or something. And, oh, I never asked if you were particularly religious because, you know, if you are, I wanted to find out if we need to plan for a christening or baptism or whatever. Or, hey! Maybe we could combine the christening/baptism/whatever ceremony with our wedding ceremony! Oh, that would be, like, too perfect, don't you think?" She beamed up at him, and he shrugged.

"Anything you want."

And as she continued to make plans, he brushed his lips over Jason's forehead and felt over-the-moon content when Taylor snuggled into him. Yeah, it definitely felt good to have his world spinning smoothly again.

XXX

**AN: **_Ta-da! My first ever, finished Ryan and Taylor story! Yay! Thanks so much for all the encouraging reviews! I love every single one to itsy bitsy pieces. Seriously. Every time I read one, I had a huge smile on my face. You guys are the best encouragement ever. And, speaking of encouragement, let me know what you think of my other story, Assumptions and Conclusions. It's an AU where Marissa and Taylor are the Townsend twins. It's a slightly different writing style for me and is almost entirely from Taylor's perspective, but I think you'll like it! Thanks again for the support, and I hope you'll continue to read my humble little stories :)_


End file.
